New challenges ahead

Been a bit under the weather last couple of weeks and find myself in bed today and y'day after having struggled through things for a while. Anyway, is nothing major but just makes the practicalities of family life more difficult.

Amelie is coming on a treat, clapping, shouting, eating lots, playing and learning every day. It is both a joy and a privilege to watch. She's refusing to crawl but is starting to stand hence the beginning of new, more independent horizons. I am waiting for it but don't think I can fully prepare myself until we're in the thick of it. Obviously there are things to do in preparation, like the safety at home stuff but managing it myself on a physical level and feeling capable in my management once she's properly on the move are things I'm hoping I will master,probably
proceeding a greater period of trial and error than most!

Overcoming obstacles

I have decided I need to start taking playing with Amelie a bit more seriously. When I say seriously, I don't mean strict ahendas and lesson plans are to be implemented but more that physical play between a mother and child becomes a little less conventional when one of you can't get down on the floor. We have put a booster seat on a chair by the dining room table so today for the first time, I used that with her so we could play together just us two. It worked well apart from she's at the learning-about-gravity stage, hence everything she touches falls on the floor where I can't go which means I have to involve a 3rd party for retrieval. Am aware that some days this will infuriate me greatly but it is already teaching me that the best way to the journey towards achieving what you want out of life is to keep calm. Surely this can only be a good thing?

Bit more progress

I do like it when people make progress. It uplifts the spirit somewhat. As per last posting, I am trying to manage my reluctancy to look awkward when doing things with my child in public, so I can actively participate in all areas of her life. This includes feeding solids from a wheelchair to any highchair the respective visited venue deems fit for service. I fed her her dinner in a restaurant for the first time, swallowed my self awareness and got on with the feeding, only to find that we both really seemed to enjoy it and much fun was had by all involved. I've always had instances of feeling awkward since I became disabled, getting out of a car, having to have my food cut up in restaurants etc increase self awareness in a negative manner. I am now learning from my child that if I want to be hands on with her, I have to swallow my pride and dignity and just get on with it and be as hands on as possible as actually it's the best way forward for all concerned!

Out and about

Being out and about with Amelie is 2 things: 1. Hard work 2. A lot of fun
The getting out of the house routine seems, in general, to be easier, as we've got more organised, more adeft at coping with everything and we are doing it all the time. It took quite a lot of time to get there, but I feel mainly this part of things is sorted and it's less stressful, so that's great. The bit I feel we have to concentrate on now is me being confident with her when we are out and me finding ways to manage her better so I don't feel that I'm relinquishing some of my responsibility, allowing respective able bod to play a bigger part than I'd like as it's easier. It's much more difficult when we're out and about as equipment such as highchairs etc make it difficult to get a chair round because they are too low or too bulky or whatever, when we are invited to peoples houses, she gets put on the floor where I can't go etc. I feel that this in turn makes me look like I'm not actively participating in my daughter's development and like I'm not really all that bothered and am not in control. I am very aware that people might think that but more importantly that Amelie might start thinking that Mummy is more interested in having a nice time when she's out and that someone else can look after her needs. I guess I just need to be more patient with myself and persevere more even if I am very aware of how awkward it all looks to other people. I just have to get over that and know what is most important as we develop and grow together as a family.

Weekend away

We've been away in Somerset since Friday night. So far, so good. Have done the rounds and seen friends and family and it's been really nice. I just wish I had more energy so I could get up at 8, push myself around all day, look after my baby, travel to and from people for social stuff, hold it all together and still be able to spend more time with my husband instead of having to go to bed and straight to sleep because I'm knackered. Mostly I find it easier being at home with
Amelie at the moment than travelling away with her for a few days or more. I hope
I won't feel like this once we've had a bit more practice. The thing is, at home, i'm the boss. I know what needs doing and when. Granted, I have help
but ultimately, as 2 women, one of whom works for the other, things get done the way I need them and we both know it works well. When I'm away, I'm with my husband who I dearly love and respect but he has a different way of doing things and even after my days of list writing and organising pre trip, once we've been away 1 night things have been moved and I can't just tell him that I need X which is in the corner of such and
such a bag. That stresses me out as I really think it's easier
even for most able bods to know where stuff is so they don't waste time and get stressed looking for stuff, never mind when you throw a spinal injury and a 10 month old baby into the equation! More practice definitely needed, just hope that myself and AMP (Alpha Male Parent) can work this out. And no, that doesn't just equate to him saying 'yes dear'!

Frustration

Is hard going at the moment. We're both really tired and I feel like my tiredness is just going to go from bad to worse. We don't even seem able to manage to plan a night out, let alone sort out the 2 week holiday we were meant to be sorting out for end of June. We have also discovered that Amelie has a temper and is starting with proper tantrums already hence spending some of last night reading up on various behavioural strategies. Sometimes, like currently, I wonder whether I'm going to be any good at this or whether sheer exhaustion and frustration is going to get the better of me and I'll end up in floods of tears on Supernanny with a screaming, uncontrollable toddler. MY screaming uncontrollable toddler. Then I'll just want to shoot myself. Need to find more energy from somewhere. Quick.