Weekend away

We've been away in Somerset since Friday night. So far, so good. Have done the rounds and seen friends and family and it's been really nice. I just wish I had more energy so I could get up at 8, push myself around all day, look after my baby, travel to and from people for social stuff, hold it all together and still be able to spend more time with my husband instead of having to go to bed and straight to sleep because I'm knackered. Mostly I find it easier being at home with
Amelie at the moment than travelling away with her for a few days or more. I hope
I won't feel like this once we've had a bit more practice. The thing is, at home, i'm the boss. I know what needs doing and when. Granted, I have help
but ultimately, as 2 women, one of whom works for the other, things get done the way I need them and we both know it works well. When I'm away, I'm with my husband who I dearly love and respect but he has a different way of doing things and even after my days of list writing and organising pre trip, once we've been away 1 night things have been moved and I can't just tell him that I need X which is in the corner of such and
such a bag. That stresses me out as I really think it's easier
even for most able bods to know where stuff is so they don't waste time and get stressed looking for stuff, never mind when you throw a spinal injury and a 10 month old baby into the equation! More practice definitely needed, just hope that myself and AMP (Alpha Male Parent) can work this out. And no, that doesn't just equate to him saying 'yes dear'!

Frustration

Is hard going at the moment. We're both really tired and I feel like my tiredness is just going to go from bad to worse. We don't even seem able to manage to plan a night out, let alone sort out the 2 week holiday we were meant to be sorting out for end of June. We have also discovered that Amelie has a temper and is starting with proper tantrums already hence spending some of last night reading up on various behavioural strategies. Sometimes, like currently, I wonder whether I'm going to be any good at this or whether sheer exhaustion and frustration is going to get the better of me and I'll end up in floods of tears on Supernanny with a screaming, uncontrollable toddler. MY screaming uncontrollable toddler. Then I'll just want to shoot myself. Need to find more energy from somewhere. Quick.

Writer's block

Was doing so well with blog then seem to have developed writers block hence current lack of postings. Am hoping inspiration will soon return, once again enabling me to report back in such a witty manner!

Life with baby

Husband and I constantly fighting, intimacy is a dark and distant memory. Both exhausted in different ways. Am super stunning at min with huge great cold sore and massive spot under nose. Joy. 9pm is late to bed for me at min. What kind of a life is that??

Yuk

Amelie and I are poorly
sick. Bloody awful tummy bug, sickness and diarrhoea. Not nice. She was sick all day y'day and today. Think she's on the up. I haven't been sick but horrible tummy.

We've done really well, it's the first time we've had to take her to see a doc. Not bad for 9 months. Is horrible watching your little honey be so sick and miserable when all you can do is watch, comfort them and follow doctors advice. Is all part and parcel of life tho.

Exhaustion

Just needed to post that I passed out a couple of nights ago and am completely and utterly exhausted. Feels like I really have nothing to give at the moment yet I must still give to my husband, daughter, parents, friends. I hope it will stop soon. It just hit me like a bullet from nowhere. I have to have bloods done by my GP. I hope it's nothing bad. I don't have the energy to worry right now. Please God, let me get better soon so I can function again, as a wife and a mother.

Impatience and solutions

Ok, remap look very cool and will hopefully bear some fruit but yesterday I was having a look at the Disabled Parents Network equipment list and ended up finding something called a comfort carrier which is basically a papousse for babies from 3 months up to 2 years. Check it out here http://www.babybjorn.com/en-gb/Eng/products/Mobility/BABYBJORN-Comfort-Carrier/ The nearest stockist to us is JoJoMamanBebe in Hale who have ordered one in for me which should be in at the end of next week. I had to pay for it upfront and at £130 it's not cheap but I explained my situation and they said I could try it and if it's not right they'll refund me straight away. Let's just hope Amelie's not sick in it when we try it out! Maybe I should create a new career in reviewing disability aimed independence products with a heavy slant on parenting and cooking aids.

I know as Amelie gets bigger she'll be moving around more and more and probably want to be strapped in less and less but I figure we can use it as an alternative to a pushchair when we need it. Trial and error is an expensive business, especially as a disabled person buying products to help increase independence but I figure as long as it's not extortionate it's worth buying in the vein hope that it really will help in just the way I need. Am hoping my optimism will pay off in spades :-)